Dryer Jeans and the Winter Wardrobe

In the summer, it's shorts, skirts, capri pants, cotton dresses... plenty of opportunity for casual variety. But jeans dominate the winter wardrobe. (At least for this American gal.) They're warm, they're casual, they go with everything. But they have a dark side, too... It doesn't matter if they're the favorite pair -- in fact the favorite pair become more susceptible over time -- any pair of jeans, no matter how great the fit in the store, is likely to show its alternate personality come laundry day.

Dryer Jeans. They fit when you bought them. They fit after an hour or so of wearing them, and maybe even fit better on day two. But what the #@!$ is up with them when they first come out of the dryer?

You pull your favorite go-to jeans out of the laundry basket. They're the same exact Comfy Jeans that you wore to the movies and out shopping; the same Comfy Jeans that a random stranger complimented just the other day. You slide them on and-- Wait-- Exhale. Button. (whew!), then look down in amazement and wonder why it feels like you gained 5 pounds between the shower and getting dressed. (When you should be wondering why the feeling is a surprise anymore.)


They aren't just tight around the waist (though it's a definite extra-trouble spot some days), but snug in the butt, the hips, the thighs, and so on. They'd be tight in the calves if they weren't straight-leg or boot-cut. (I'm not a skinny jeans kind of girl.) And they even seem a bit shorter.

Clearly, it's not you, it's the Dryer Jeans. You remind yourself of that fact-- trying not to focus on that elusive few pounds that every woman is sure she needs to lose --and begin the Dryer Jean Dance. Squat. Bend. Lean. Strrrettch. Better? Not really, but you tell yourself it's helping. You could put on that other pair of jeans, the ones that are a perfect fit straight out of the dryer, but you know they will be hanging off your hips and sagging in the butt by lunchtime.

So you stick with the jeans that supposedly fit and repeat the Dryer Jean Dance. Not in its entirety, but in small moves while going through the rest of the getting ready routine. Bend at the waist to dry your hair. Squat to tie your shoes. Stuff your hands in your pockets and lean back-- okay, that move just isn't easily incorporated into any other activity of the daily routine.

You try not to think about them. You try to remind yourself that they only feel like cling-wrap and don't actually look all that different in the mirror. (You hope!) You know from long experience that they'll fit fine in an hour or so. But that doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of your brain that feels (and comments on) every extra ounce packed beneath that tight denim.

(Aaarrggh!)

Fast forward to later in the day. You've forgotten about your morning gyrations, your not-so-well-hidden twists and bends, your desperation to get back to the gym, and your determination to expand your winter wardrobe. The Dryer Jeans have disappeared and you're left with your good old favorite Comfy Jeans. Aaaah.

Enjoy the moment. It's only a matter of time before Comfy Jeans turn into waist-gaping, butt-sagging, Stretched-Out Jeans. Then it's time to send them back to the wash and start all over again.