Valentine Heartbreak

My new relationship isn't working out.

Years ago, I began a love affair. My husband encouraged it. In fact, he had been suggesting it for some time. He knew it would keep me happy during the day and he wanted to watch when he came home from work too.

This love affair was with my ideal boyfriend, Tivo.

My first was a DirecTV Tivo. He didn't have every feature of a full Tivo, but I never missed what I didn't know about. What Tivo did bring made me very happy.

When I wanted to watch something while eating lunch, Tivo gave me a recorded Daily Show from the night before instead of whatever was broadcast at the time. Tivo held season passes for favorite shows and let me watch them with Peter after the kids went to bed. Tivo let me pause TV and skip commercials.

Best of all, Tivo knew me. Tivo paid attention to what I watched and listened to what I liked and didn't like. Tivo would surprise me with suggestions. He would record shows that I liked and similar shows that I might like. He was always surprising me.

But then I got restless. I heard about Fios, a newer, faster service. I knew Fios would replace my cable modem -- Comcast and I had never got on well -- but the idea of Fios TV was appealing as well. I knew Fios meant trading Tivo for a DVR, but it would still record shows and it would play recorded shows in other rooms -- something my DirecTV Tivo didn't do.

I thought there couldn't be that much difference between Tivo and a Fios DVR. I was wrong.

DVR doesn't know me at all. He doesn't care if I like a show or not. He doesn't bring me suggestions, he's hard to communicate with, and he barely listens when I tell him what to do. He frequently lies about the shows that will be on and the descripions he does give are thin and badly written.

DVR hasn't lived up to his promises. He said he would play shows on other TVs, but when he does the other TVs are slow to respond. They frequently become confused and the shows need to be stopped and restarted to continue. Even on his own TV, DVR is often unresponsive and spends ages thinking of answers to my requests.

It may be time to break-up. I haven't told DVR yet, but I've been visiting Tivo's website, checking out what it would take to bring a full Tivo home. I would still need to pay Fios for the service, but I could run it through a real Tivo and kick DVR to the curb.

And so I have spent Valentine's Day plotting a break-up and dreaming of future holidays happily spent with my love, Tivo.