Facebook: Questioning Connections

I admit I was leery of joining Facebook, for many reasons. The idea of potentially reconnecting with any random person I ever met in my entire life was not a selling point. Like many people, it took several friend requests before I gave in to curiosity and signed up- fully expecting to check it out once or twice and quietly walk away.

Here I am a year (or is it two? three?) later and I'm still on Facebook. In fact, I check in nearly everyday either on my computer or phone. Quick skim through my news feed; chuckle/comment/think about the witty/interesting/odd status updates; maybe look at some photos/links/videos; post my own random twitter-esque thought; maybe click-click-click through a mindless game; go back to real life.

Those little mini-breaks are good for clearing my head between writing/parenting/cleaning/cooking/etc., or so I tell myself. Plus, life is busy and it's a quick way to stay in touch with friends and family. But am I really staying in touch?

In some ways I know more about my friends: the songs that get stuck in their heads, how much they remember about sitcoms of the 80s, how crazy-good they are at Bejeweled... And I'm not being sarcastic there. Those are the tiny, quirky things that make people interesting. I love those status-reviews posted in the moments after seeing a movie, reading a book, or going to a concert. And of course it's fun to share photos or links to funny, thought-provoking, or just plain bizarre things on the web.

But sometimes I take a break from my too busy life, feel like having a meaningful conversation, and realize that it's been weeks since I actually called or visited with friends. It's always a shock. I see them all the time on Facebook. I know what they're up to, but it isn't the same thing as doing something together or sitting down for a long talk over a glass of wine.

My "friend" list has morphed as well. It originally only contained family and friends that I actually spend time with- people I would consider more than passing acquaintances. Then, people from the distant past -- former co-workers, classmates I haven't seen since high school or even elementary school, etc. -- began filling out the list and I'm honestly not sure what to think of that.

In a few cases it's been genuinely great to reconnect. In some cases, I've accepted friend requests only to have the person then ignore even my simple hello message (?). And most past connections fall somewhere in between, with an initial exchange followed by occasional comments or maybe just joining each other in click-click Facebook games. From what I hear, that seems pretty typical.

What I'm not sure about is how I feel about the idea of people staying connected to every person who has ever passed through their lives. Will today's kids, with their vast Facebook friend lists and social networking tools, actually expect to keep up with everyone they've ever known? Are we no longer allowed to close chapters in our lives? Is it healthier to stay somewhat connected to all the people and places in our pasts or to gain closure and move on to new adventures?

Does it mean I'm a bad, grudge-holding person if I hope to never have contact with some people from my past? Should I be concerned that there are people out there who wouldn't want to reconnect with me? Or is it preferable to move on and leave past hurts in the past?

At dinner the other night we were talking about what defines a person. It led to interesting questions about how experiences change people. Would a person with amnesia still be the same person after he lost his memories? Is someone today the same person he was 5 or 10 years ago, and will he be the same person 5 or 10 years in the future?

I can't help but wonder how Facebook influences those questions. If experiences change who we are, is it better to continue to move forward or to be reminded of who we once were? Does it help us to see how we, and our former friends, have changed? Does the past threaten regression? Or does it matter at all?

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Dryer Jeans and the Winter Wardrobe

In the summer, it's shorts, skirts, capri pants, cotton dresses... plenty of opportunity for casual variety. But jeans dominate the winter wardrobe. (At least for this American gal.) They're warm, they're casual, they go with everything. But they have a dark side, too... It doesn't matter if they're the favorite pair -- in fact the favorite pair become more susceptible over time -- any pair of jeans, no matter how great the fit in the store, is likely to show its alternate personality come laundry day.

Dryer Jeans. They fit when you bought them. They fit after an hour or so of wearing them, and maybe even fit better on day two. But what the #@!$ is up with them when they first come out of the dryer?

You pull your favorite go-to jeans out of the laundry basket. They're the same exact Comfy Jeans that you wore to the movies and out shopping; the same Comfy Jeans that a random stranger complimented just the other day. You slide them on and-- Wait-- Exhale. Button. (whew!), then look down in amazement and wonder why it feels like you gained 5 pounds between the shower and getting dressed. (When you should be wondering why the feeling is a surprise anymore.)

They aren't just tight around the waist (though it's a definite extra-trouble spot some days), but snug in the butt, the hips, the thighs, and so on. They'd be tight in the calves if they weren't straight-leg or boot-cut. (I'm not a skinny jeans kind of girl.) And they even seem a bit shorter.

Clearly, it's not you, it's the Dryer Jeans. You remind yourself of that fact-- trying not to focus on that elusive few pounds that every woman is sure she needs to lose --and begin the Dryer Jean Dance. Squat. Bend. Lean. Strrrettch. Better? Not really, but you tell yourself it's helping. You could put on that other pair of jeans, the ones that are a perfect fit straight out of the dryer, but you know they will be hanging off your hips and sagging in the butt by lunchtime.

So you stick with the jeans that supposedly fit and repeat the Dryer Jean Dance. Not in its entirety, but in small moves while going through the rest of the getting ready routine. Bend at the waist to dry your hair. Squat to tie your shoes. Stuff your hands in your pockets and lean back-- okay, that move just isn't easily incorporated into any other activity of the daily routine.

You try not to think about them. You try to remind yourself that they only feel like cling-wrap and don't actually look all that different in the mirror. (You hope!) You know from long experience that they'll fit fine in an hour or so. But that doesn't stop the nagging voice in the back of your brain that feels (and comments on) every extra ounce packed beneath that tight denim.

(Aaarrggh!)

Fast forward to later in the day. You've forgotten about your morning gyrations, your not-so-well-hidden twists and bends, your desperation to get back to the gym, and your determination to expand your winter wardrobe. The Dryer Jeans have disappeared and you're left with your good old favorite Comfy Jeans. Aaaah.

Enjoy the moment. It's only a matter of time before Comfy Jeans turn into waist-gaping, butt-sagging, Stretched-Out Jeans. Then it's time to send them back to the wash and start all over again.

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Misogyny at Vanity Fair

Full disclosure: I do not regularly, or even semi-regularly, read Vanity Fair. I've read an article here and there, but honestly I tend to think of it as a fashion magazine more than the self-described "cultural catalyst that drives the popular dialogue globally." (Seriously, google "Vanity Fair" and that's part of their search engine description.)

That being said, I do expect a certain level of intelligence and professionalism from such an established magazine, and I was horrified by Vanity Fair's coverage of "America's Tweethearts". (Ugh!) It pains me to even type that insipid title knowing that the article itself is full of such gag-inspiring terms as "twilebrities" and “Twitformation Superhighway”.

Clearly the author is not on Twitter herself and her use (overuse) of pseudo-clever terms like "tweeple" comes across as well as your grandpa saying "for shizzle". Instead of recognizing the quick communication and marketing opportunities that can be accomplished via Twitter, this author has decided that Twitter's 140 character limit means that only stupid people would use it.

In her world, it seems intelligence in the written word is based on its length, not in its ability to get the job done. (And you thought size didn't matter!) As her article derisively says, "For tweeple, e-mail messages are sonnets, Facebook is practically Tolstoy."

I take the opposite stance: I'm often amazed at how much can be expressed within 140 characters. As a writer, I find that it takes more skill to write concisely than to openly blather on. Some of my best work has come from assignments with lots of requirements and very tight word counts.

Though the author's ignorant and condescending approach to this topic reminds me of the puffed-up cavemen who declared TV to be a passing fad, what bothered me most was her dishonest treatment of the women featured (or should I say, barely mentioned) in the article. These are successful, self-made women whose years of hard work were completely disregarded.

The author, who seemed to have only researched her subjects as far as their Twitter follower counts, implied that these women are famous merely for their Twitter presence. She actually had the nerve to make the following statements:

Twittering all the time—the act of text-messaging the world (why wouldn’t you talk to everyone, if you could?)—is the essential feat of a twilebrity. And because Twitter uses simple technology, it’s a utilitarian vehicle for ambitious extroverts, without any previous distinction, to become digital superstars.

But when it comes to listening, well, that’s where these twilebrities shine. It so happens that they are nice girls—the Internet’s equivalent of a telephone chat line staffed by a bunch of cheerleaders—and it’s all free.

Misrepresenting these women in this way is a misogynist act in my book. This Vanity Fair author had an opportunity to shine a light on New Media and the doors that are opened to those who are willing to work hard to create their own careers. Instead, she chose to promote an ignorant and insulting stereotype.

Why spew venom on successful women who Twitter? I can only assume this author, and others like her, are threatened by strong women who are able to make something of themselves and achieve their goals without the endorsement of the mainstream media.

Take Felicia Day for example. The Vanity Fair article, when it bothers to mention her at all, refers to Felicia only as "a geek-Webisode actress". In reality, Felicia Day is an actress, but also a webisode pioneer who created her own successful web series, The Guild. She writes, produces, and stars in this award-winning web series, and her hard work has led to its well-earned success. The Guild was originally funded through fan donations, but is now sponsored by Sprint and distributed by XBox and Microsoft. Its popularity has inspired many others to create their own web series, bypassing the Network mass-appeal/sociopolitical filters to directly deliver content that appeals to niche viewers.

Felicia has posted her own response to the Vanity Fair article on her blog, where she admirably contains her outrage enough to explain just what was so disappointing about the experience. I think she sums it up nicely by saying, "I feel like an opportunity was missed to celebrate a new kind of independent and liberated woman."

I agree and hope that there will come a day when independent women can be successful without anyone insinuating that they have merely traded in on their good looks.

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Something New? How To!

I often write online at Helium.com and they've recently come out with another new writing opportunity -- How To Guides.

What's cool is that instead of being a straight knowledge article, each guide is like it's own mini-website. The author can add photos and other content, including a Q & A section.

When the How To section launched, I was eager to try it out, but had to wait through an application process - which I see as a good thing for the site. Then my first attempt had to be approved before it was published. Again, a good thing for the site, but kind of annoying for impatient me. ;-)

Now, my first attempt at a Helium How To Guide is online. I chose one of the open topics, instead of suggesting my own title. (Didn't want to extend the process!) So my first How To Guide is: How to Create a Daily Stretching Routine

It's basically a list of the 6 stretches I try to fit in everyday, either post-workout or sometime in the morning. I first published it with descriptions only, but it was pretty plain, so I drew cartoon figures to go with each pose. (like the one above) I think they came out pretty cute. In fact, I may just create some How To Guides for individual yoga poses, too.

I'd love to get some feedback on the guide. There's a place for comments at the bottom and a Q & A section to the far right. Please check it out!

Thanks!

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Letter to Santa Claus

Dear Santa,

You know when I am sleeping, and you know when I'm awake. That's kind of creepy, but since you bring me presents, I'll let it slide. You also know when I've been bad or good, but the cookies I leave out for you each year seem to tip the scales in my favor. You'll find more on the hearth this year. I'm sorry there's always so much frosting on them. The kids think it's funny to make it at least an inch thick on the cookie we leave for you. Please blame them for that one, not me.

The heart of this letter is, of course, what I want for Christmas. (Do you get tired of reading so many requests?) There's not very much that I want this year. I already have my two front teeth and I wouldn't know what to do with a partridge in a pear tree.

Mainly, I would like a solution to this Consumerist Christmas issue. Now, don't get me wrong, the holiday season is a great way to stimulate the economy, but only if people don't go into debt to buy gifts. I like that Christmas has the whole "Spirit of Giving" angle, but that shouldn't mean expensive presents. Thoughtful little mementos should be at the heart of Christmas giving. I for one would be happier if someone drew me a picture or wrote me a poem, than if they spent more than they could afford on a gift.

I'd also like it if more people would adopt a Stress-Free Christmas attitude, especially when it comes to the holiday get-togethers. If you love all those Martha Stewart touches on a fancy-schmancy Christmas dinner table, great, go for it. But if casual is more your style, embrace that too. It should be about spending time with family and friends, not impressing other people with culinary skills or napkins folded to look like turtle doves.

Anything you can do to help in those areas would be appreciated. In lieu of that, I'd like some Tom Tierney coloring books and a set of Prismacolor colored pencils (but not the Verithin kind).

Thank you,
Susan

P.S. You might want to check in with the elf who runs your stables. Rudolph's red nose could be a sign that he's been drinking a little too much Christmas punch, and I'd hate to see him run over another Grandma this year.

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Moral Secularism and Time Management

Lately my life has felt a little like a cocktail party where I'm the hummus that's thinly spread over too many crackers. I guess that can happen when taking care of home, husband, career and teenage kids. (not necessarily in that order) Several months ago I launched a second blog called Moral Secularism, to discuss the free-thinking issues that are close to my heart.

I was very excited about the idea at the time, but months have passed and my posts on that blog come to a halt (until today). I haven't stopped having ideas of what to post over there, I just never seem to have enough time. That has gotten me thinking about how I divide my time and how I always seem to have trouble keeping up with the things that are most important to me. And that's "me" as in Me-me, not Mom-me, or wife-me, or writer-me. I suspect a lot of other people are the same way.

I always seem to have trouble squeezing in time to do the me-things, like yoga, guitar, piano, blogging, or just sitting down with a good book or listening to music without multitasking in some other chore. But I can always manage to find time when my kids, husband, or friends need something. I always find a way to make dinner, pay the bills, or pick up the kids from their practices. The daily fires get put out, but every night I fight insomnia with the distinct feeling that I haven't done "something". I'm starting to wonder if that "something" is simply taking some time for myself.

With that thought, I took a break today and posted a list of secular holiday music to my Moral Secularism blog. I also wrote a couple of articles to post at Helium on topics that have been on my mind lately. I have some important writing deadlines this week, but it was nice to take a little time to just write about my thoughts.

I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, but maybe it's time to go into the New Year with thoughts of being just a little less concerned about what "we" as a family need to do, and a little more thought of how "me" as an individual wants to live my life.

To anyone else out there who can relate to this post, think about doing something for yourself during this busy holiday season. I know, that's easier said than done, but I'll try if you do.


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The Shake Weight - Get the Arms of a Porn Star

First there was the stripper pole workout craze, now there's the Shake Weight. Sometimes you come across something so completely bizarre that you have to stop what you're doing and tell someone about it. This is one of those moments.

I've been too busy to watch Ellen for a while now, but it looks like I'm missing out on some good entertainment, and GREAT blog material. If you haven't heard of the Shake Weight, you have to watch the clip below and see where your mind goes. Seriously could anyone over the age of 12 watch this and not think there's something... um, hilarious... about it?

Even better, the Shake Weight then came out with a "bigger and longer" version for men. Clips with Ellen's take on each of these, um, exercise products are below. In the Men's version, be sure to listen for the "I haven't had a pump like this in a long time" quote. Priceless.

The Shake Weight for Women:



The "bigger and longer" Shake Weight for Men:



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